


Years and Years

by wolfgun



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: As characters are added i'll add them, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-02-09 20:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1997001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfgun/pseuds/wolfgun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As part of a family of immortals, the Zoldyck's have many rules. Killua wants to be able to interact with people, though against his father's wishes; and ends up leaving his manor. He doesn't understand; even if he's the way he is, why can't he have friends?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

How long… has it been now?

Many years had passed in his estate, alone with only a few silent butlers and unused rooms. Killua knew that this is what was expected of him…

But that’s not what he wanted.

It was the curse of any of the Zoldyck family to live an agonizingly long life, limiting their interaction to the outside world.

He calls it a ‘curse,’ but his father calls it a ‘blessing’.

“Our life spans are greater than that of ordinary humans,” Silva had said long ago. “We are the chosen few, as we watch over the world. Therefore, bonds with ordinary humans are irrelevant.”

“If it’s such a blessing,” Killua murmured, “why doesn’t it feel like one?”

{--x--}

The funny thing about being immortal is that your sleep schedule is affected too. It takes about three days to feel the pull of sleep, but since Killua has nothing to do, he usually wanders around his yard and takes naps in trees.

Some days he finds himself at the front gate, looking at the small town below. Killua knows that if his family ever found out about him leaving his property, he’d be punished…

_But it’s so tempting._

He didn’t know when it began, but he started to find that when he would take walks he would end up at the gate. And gradually, he would climb the trees and sit on top of the wall surrounding his property.

He would sit there for hours, watching in the distance the tiny cars and buses and people go about their business, imagining the noisy bustle. There was also some part of him that wanted someone to notice him. Maybe they’d care enough to come near him.

Or maybe he should just go to them. He bit his lip, forcing himself to jump down and head back to his house. He wouldn’t dare risk it. Besides, his father had told him when he was little that his hair would always mark how different he was than ordinary people.

“Since people don’t like anything different from themselves, you will be shunned anyway,” Silva had told him.

Killua reached up and pulled on a piece of hair.

“If I wear a hat, and don’t talk to anyone, it’ll be okay, right?”

{--x--}

The next day, he stood in front of a mirror and put on a cap. Even though he looked a bit suspicious, his hair was mostly hidden and that’s all that mattered.

“I won’t talk to anybody,” He recited, promising himself.

In the morning hours, Killua snuck out when his butlers weren’t looking, stepping swiftly and silently across the yard. He knew they suspected something, but he also knew that they’d turn a blind eye for at least a few hours until he came back to the house. He would be punished… but.

That’s something he can handle.

He didn’t go out through the front gate; that would cause his butlers would come to him immediately, and so instead he went over the wall. Killua followed the road from his home, but kept hidden in the trees; that way, no one would see him or bother him. It’s not like many people even used the roads near his house, but he couldn’t risk it.

As he neared the town, his excitement grew and his hands grew damp. What if the people here talk differently? What if they try and talk to him? He didn’t even know what people did in a town--the only people he had really interacted with were his butlers and family.

But he was set on sightseeing, so he pulled his cap down and crossed into the city. Killua tried to keep from looking up and gawking, but after a while he couldn’t help it and glanced around—there were shops of all kinds, restaurants, parlors, and buildings for different services. All around him were new things; combinations of colors, people holding things he had never seen before; smells drifted from all directions, and he quickly grew overwhelmed.

He was lucky he remembered some money, and found a candy store. The shop owner greeted him, and Killua squeaked a rushed greeting back. The chocolate was irresistible, and he had more than enough money; so he ended up buying almost all of it.

“You sure do love chocolate, don’t you, sir?” The shop owner said cheerily, as Killua paid for everything.

“Y-yes,” Killua replied, unsure of what to do.

“Do you have a special someone in mind for it?”

“Huh? Uh—no, this is—“

“Hey, I getchya,” He winked. “Everybody loves chocolate, so whoever they are, they’ll love it!”

“I, um… yeah.”

After the owner waved him off and Killua exited the store, he felt relief wash over him. Talking to that person was hard. At least they didn’t seem to speak language he didn't know or have an accent.

The boy eventually stepped into the town square, and stared in awe at the amount of people and the statue in the middle. There were so many different types of people, some with even crazier hair colors than his. A man he saw even had three colors in his hair!

So why did his father… ?

Shaking his head to clear it, he went down another street and continued his exploration. He came across a magnificent white building, with a single tower coming from its roof that housed a huge bell. The streets were starting to empty, and not wanting to be the only one left, he decided to turn back to home.

“Hey!! W—Watch out!!!”

Killua turned to see a boy riding his bicycle coming fast toward him; he was frantically trying to brake but the bike wouldn’t work. He realized he wouldn't be able to dodge; and they crashed. Killua gasped as he felt the pavement scrape into his back; and a tire dig into his leg. The other boy was partially on top of him, with the bike wedged between his legs and a wheel spinning above them.

“I—I’m so sorry oh my god I couldn’t –the brakes didn’t—“ The other boy tried to get up, but his legs were too tangled. “I’m really sorry—I told Aunt Mito that I needed a new bike months ago but I—“

Killua looked up and realized that people were staring; and quickly stood up. He helped the boy up too, lifting his bike. He wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible.

Realizing he didn’t have his bag of chocolates anymore, he turned his head, only to find that the impact had landed them on the road. But as he watched, a car ran completely over the bag.

“M—my…” He clenched his fists, glancing back toward the boy. “You—!” 

“I’m really sorry!!” He said. “I didn’t—“ He stopped short, staring at Killua with wonder.  He felt wind ruffle his hair, and in a panic found and put on his hat.

“Well, whatever.” Killua tried to walk away, but the boy stopped him.

“W-wait! I’ll make this up to you, uh, let’s see—“

“Don’t worry about it. I can get new ones anyway.” Besides, this kid seems a little too simple. He doubts they can make much conversation.

“Please! I’ll—I’ll take you to dinner or something!” The boy pleaded.  “I know a good place!”

“I told you; I—“

“I’ll pay!”

Killua sighed. He obviously wasn’t going to get rid of this kid. And… free food sounded like a good idea. “Fine. But—“

“Okay! Follow me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be a couple chapters long and since I have motivation, it'll definitely get done.  
> The Zoldycks are not assassins, but a different type of race branched from humans that live longer; Zeno is 489 years old. Yes, there is a method to this age. Likewise, I know Killua's mom is overprotective but at a certain age all of the Zoldyck children move out. They set up their own estate and live from it, usually keeping themselves hidden. Just bear with me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was just a dumb prank, Gon reasoned.  
> But if it was just a dumb prank... why was Killua running in the other direction?

The boy bounced along the sidewalk, a little ways ahead of Killua. He walked with his bike, playing with the handles and twitching. It was easy to tell that he was nervous.

_Or excited?_

He eyed the dark-haired boy suspiciously. Who even asks out strangers to dinner? Besides, who is this kid? And his hair has a bit of a weird green tint…

The boy parked his bike outside of a tiny restaurant, finally announcing, “We’re here!”

An aroma of spices and sweetness hit Killua’s nose, and he had to catch himself before he started drooling. He was ushered in quickly by the boy, and he was pushed into a booth seat. The two sat across from each other, and the dark-haired boy was thrilled.

“Right! So, introduction! I’m Gon,” He said excitedly, swinging his legs under the table.

“Killua.”

“Killua, huh? Can’t say I’ve heard that name before.”

“It’s an older name, and not even popular. I’m not surprised,” Killua answered, shrugging. The conversation halted as a waiter came over and got them settled in, handing out menus and taking their drink orders.

Killua scanned the menu, and finally settled on an order of steak. It sounded good, he thought; it was marinated in pineapple juice, cooked and then served with pineapples on top. Satisfied with his choice, the white-haired boy looked up. Gon was staring at him.

“Uh? Is something the matter?”

“No.” Gon replied.

“Well then, why are you staring?” Killua asked, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Your hair,” he stated, after a brief pause. Killua’s mouth went dry.

“What about it?” He growled, grabbing his hat and pulling it down a bit. A wave of heated panic spread from his stomach to his limbs.

“It’s interesting!”

“So what?” Geez. This kid really doesn’t know tact, he thought, as he calmed himself down.

“Is that your natural color?”

“Yeah?”

“Hmm… I see.” Gon sat back, resting his hand on his chin to think.

“What about you?”

“What?”

“Your hair is greenish.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Well I don’t really think about it much. It’s closer to black anyway.”

Killua sighed.

“But why do you—“ Gon was cut off by the waiter, who stood with his pen and pad ready.

“Okay, boys. What can I get for you?”

“I’ll have the grilled salmon,” Gon smiled, pointing on the menu as well.

“The usual?”

“Yes please!”

Killua frowned. What was ‘the usual’? “I’ll have the steak,” He added. The waiter asked Killua how he wanted it cooked. “Just a little bit pink.”

The waiter finished his scrawl and nodded at the boys. “Alright then! Have a good meal you two—and nice seeing you again, Gon!”

“Thanks! You too, Serein!”

“I’m assuming you know that guy?” Killua said when he was far enough away.

“Yeah! I come here every time I visit the town.”

“You don’t live near here?”

“Nope!” The dark-haired boy said, a toothy grin on his face. There was a lull in the conversation.

“So do you just run into strangers on the street and then ask them out to dinner?” Killua asked flatly. This boy was breaking so many ‘stranger danger’ rules right now.

“Nope,” he said. “You’re the first. Plus, you’re interesting.”

Killua wrinkled his nose. “Interesting?”

“Yeah! Why do you wear that hat, by the way?”

“Because I feel like it. I don’t need a reason.”

“Aw, come on! Your hair is such a cool color!”

“Yes, well,” the white-haired boy mumbled, sinking in his seat a bit. “I don’t usually come around here. So.”

“Oh! So you live far away?”

“No.”

“Well I do,” Gon said, leaning his elbows on the table. “It takes me about an hour by bike to get here, and that’s going as fast as I can!”

“Should you really be telling a person you just met the circumstances of how you got here and basically where you live?” Killua blurted.

“I shouldn’t? You’re the same age as me, and I didn’t tell you exactly where I live. And plus, I don’t sense anything harmful about you.”

“You live in the town of Whales,” Killua stated simply, looking out the window of the restaurant.

“Huh? How’d you know!”

“There are a few towns scattered around this one, and three main roads out of this town. A couple smaller roads, but judging by the direction you came at me from—which was off of a main road that led out of town—an hour by bike eliminates all the other towns. It could only be one.”

“Wow,” Gon drawled. “That’s really some good deduction skills you have. Have you considered being a detective?”

“No! I haven’t. I’m not even really allowed to be here right now, plus I’m your age. I couldn’t possibly have a job.”

“Sure you could! I have one!”

“And what’s that?”

“I work at a convenience store!” Gon was staring intensely at Killua with round, brown eyes. It made him a bit uneasy.

“Just a convenience store? Does Whales even have one? That’s a pretty small town.”

“It does! And I work at it.”

“Alright, alright,” Killua snorted.

Gon plopped into his seat with a small ‘hmph!’ but then began to grin widely. It was a little scary, if Killua was honest with himself. But he wasn’t, so the white-haired boy just watched with a brow raised in question.

“Since I told you where I live… You have to tell me where YOU live!” The boy said, smiling and pointing at Killua.

“But you didn’t tell me where you lived. I guessed!” Killua retorted.

“No! I gave you a big hint, so that means I told you!”

“You didn’t tell me! You just let it slip that you biked here, stupidly enough.”

“I’m not stupid! You have to—“

“Here’s your dinner!” A waitress said, clearing her throat. She placed the meals in front of Gon and Killua, whose mouths had started to water at the smell and sight of the food.

“Hope you enjoy your meal! And Gon, if you and your friend want any more food, don’t hesitate to ask!” She said sweetly.

“Alright!” Gon said, already starting to dig in. As soon as she left, the pair of boys were already eating, their anger temporarily forgotten.

Killua didn’t know how long it had been since he had eaten anything as good as this. Wait, actually chocolate is better, but… well, this is amazing too. It was just the right amount of sweet, and perfectly juicy as well.

Of course, his butlers and servants also cooked well for him. But he was definitely going to have to get them to try this. Or could he be able to without revealing that he’d been out in town? For now, he decided to savor the taste.

They didn’t speak as they ate, and once they were done, they sat back for a bit in satisfaction.

“Do you want more food?” Gon asked, his plate clean. But even though he could eat more, Killua shook his head. Although he had thought it would be funny to impose, he didn't feel he wanted to anymore.

“Alright then. I’ll pay.” He waved over the waiter from earlier, Serein, and Gon was handed a bill. His eyes widened as he saw the total for the night, but quickly smiled, and handed over the money.

“Thank you for eating with us!” Serein said, waving as the boys left. The white-haired boy noticed Gon checking his wallet again, and sagging, ever so slightly. Killua felt bad about it. And since he lived so far away…

“Look, I know you paid, but I can pay you back. I have more than enou—“

“No!” The dark-haired boy said, jerking his chin up. “I crushed your stuff, so—“

“No, some asshole ran over it! It makes no difference, honestly. Just tell me my share and I’ll—“

“I said no!”

Killua looked away.  _What a stubborn idiot_. They continued to walk along the sidewalk in silence.

“So… If you don’t live that far away, why don’t you come here often?” Gon asked, glancing at Killua.

“I just don’t feel like it,” the white-haired boy deflected. Gon frowned.

“But seriously, why do you wear the hat?”

“Because, I feel like it.”

“You can’t just answer my questions with ‘I feel like it’ or ‘I don’t feel like it’ that’s rude!” He stopped walking, folding his arms over his chest.

“Sure I can! You can’t just ask someone you just met personal questions like that!”

“They aren't personal? It’s just a regular question!”

“Well it’s personal to me and therefore, not ordinary questions.” Killua turned away, folding his arms behind his head, and resuming his walk.

“So?” Gon said, from somewhere behind him.

“So wha—“ Killua felt a quick swipe on his head, and suddenly Gon had his hat in his hands, and  _that damn brat_  was wearing a triumphant smile. “Hey! Give that back!”

The wind ruffled his hair again, and the white-haired boy froze. He tried to cover his head with his hands, but the white strands just peeked out from in between his fingers. Slight panic starting to wash over him, Killua dove at the thief for his hat. Gon danced out of his way.

“You’re going to have to do better than that if you want it back!” Gon taunted, abandoning his bike for a moment and running down the sidewalk. People stopped to watch the ordeal, some snickering at the dark-haired boy’s antics, but Killua didn’t see it that way.

He felt all of their eyes on him, and started to feel constricted. Sweat dampened his skin, and each time a breeze blew by he felt as if it was trying to broadcast his hair to everyone around him. Gon turned to see if Killua was giving chase, but his smile quickly faded as he realized his new friend was running in the opposite direction, and fast.

Gon frowned deeply as he began to follow the white-haired boy, dashing as fast as his feet could take him. Soon, he could only see a white head of hair in the mass of people, and then, it was gone.

Bewildered by what just happened, Gon glanced down at the hat he had taken.

Just a dumb prank. That’s what it was.

So why did the other boy run away?


	3. Chapter 3

Killua’s legs pumped as he weaved through the crowd, bumping and pushing, ignoring the grunts and snide comments thrown his way. All reason left his head as he sprinted toward his house. He would be safe, away from them, away from risking his identity, his hair; he would be back in his house and he would never, ever go back into town.

He could vaguely hear Gon calling his name, but that only spurred him faster; he knew the dark-haired boy was agile and getting his hat back would be more of an ordeal than he wanted.

He ducked around the corner of a building and into a seemingly empty alleyway, where he crouched. He caught his breath, his hands ruffling his hair and willing it to be inconspicuous.

On an impulse he got up and started running again, his feet blindly taking him towards his house. This time he actively shoved people out of the way. He didn’t care. He needed to be anywhere but here; anywhere but this stifling crowd.

He ran up the long road to his front gates, but before he could get to them he was tackled to the ground. He fell forward, tumbling blindly with an added weight on his back.

Killua turned, and was surprised to see the boy—no, he was more than surprised to see Gon clinging to him. The white-haired boy stiffened, freezing in place. They both stopped together on the dark pavement, scraped up and panting. Gon was the first to speak.

“You forgot… your hat.”

When Gon was sure the other boy wouldn’t run off again, he let go and placed the hat on Killua’s head.

“I don’t know why you ran… like that,” the dark-haired boy said between breaths, “but I’m sorry.. that I stole your hat.”

His throat suddenly dry, the white-haired boy nodded dumbly. They both stood, and after a brief moment of quiet Gon started to laugh. Killua stared at him in wonder until he began laughing as well—there was just something infectiously hilarious about the way the other boy held his sides, doubling over.

He didn’t know why, but after that fit of laughter, Killua felt lighter. A lot lighter than he had in a long time.

“Sorry… I sort of ran from you,” he offered, tripping over his words. “I didn’t—I sort of just—“

“It’s alright,” Gon said. “I guess I shouldn’t have pressed.” The dark-haired boy smiled then, and it took Killua’s breath away; he averted his gaze. He was pretty sure if he didn’t, he’d be scarred; just like looking into the sun for too long damages your eyes.

Killua opened his mouth, but he was quickly cut off as he heard a sharp, “Master Killua!”

He turned to Gon quickly and pushed him down the road, away from his manor; he wasn’t exactly sure how his butlers would take his little adventure.

“Go,” Killua hissed, “I wasn’t supposed to be outside.” Gon nodded before turning on his heel and running away.

The white-haired boy let out a squeak as he felt a hand grip his shoulder tightly. Slowly turning around, he saw Gotoh behind him, with a vein popping out of his head. No, several veins. And he realized… for lack of a better phrase, he was fucked.

“I—Uh—“

“So,  _Master Killua_ , might I ask where you were, earlier this day?” Gotoh grinned down at him, and Killua began to sweat again. Before he even replied, the boy was led into the property. He turned, seeing Gon had stopped at the end of the road. That idiot was waving at him. He should be long gone.

As the gates closed in front of Killua, his fate sealed shut.

{--x--}

The next day, Killua woke in his room. He sighed deeply as he thought about what he had done, what had happened, and now, what was going to occur as a result. He sighed again. The scenario was being discussed by his parents right about now—what to do about Killua and his little escapade.

In all honestly, he was scared. He didn’t feel any remorse, and hell, even thinking back on it, he only had a strong desire to see Gon again. He had been scolded many times by Gotoh and many other butlers about how irresponsible, selfish, completely reckless, risky, and  _dangerous_ it had been for him to take a tour of the town.

The only reason he might not do it again was so everyone around him would shut up.

But he knew he would try again. So did everyone else, for that matter.

A faint knock on the door pulled Killua out of his thoughts, and he was surprised to see Canary walk into his room with a tray of food. She was usually guarding the garden.

“Your breakfast, Master Killua,” she stated. She placed the tray on his bedside table, bowed, and began to leave.

“Canary.” She stopped and turned.

“Yes, Master?”

“Do you think… I’ll be confined?”

“I don’t know, Master Killua. I have been waiting, like you have,” she replied, neutrally. “But… I also know that you will do what you desire.” Killua blinked hard as Canary bowed again, and shuffled out the door.

“I’ll do… what I desire, huh?”

{--x--}

“Master Killua. Your father and mother request to speak with you.”

Gotoh led a very nervous Killua down the hallway, into a room that was used for conferences. It was small, and contained only one couch and a coffee table; the wall opposite had a giant screen, along with a camera on top.

Everyone says conferences, but Killua knows it’s just a way for his parents to scold him and check up on him. Who else would he call, anyway?

As Gotoh set up the screen and connection, Killua assumed an air of indifference. A bored gaze, casual position, and flat voice. The most important butlers stood behind the couch he sat on, and as everyone found their place the screen bleeped to life. On the other side was Killua’s parents.

“Hello, mother, father,” Killua remarked coolly. When he realized his oldest and youngest brothers were also with them, he greeted them hastily as well. Silva cleared his throat.

“Let’s cut right to the point,” he said impatiently. “Killua. I am sure you are aware of the many rules you have broken.”

“I am.”

“List them, then.”

Killua sighed deeply, and took a big breath; “Failing to alert the butlers of my whereabouts, Leaving unguarded, Leaving without permission, Contacting humans, Talking with humans, Interacting in any which way with humans.”

“And?” Silva prompted. Killua grumbled.

“Being irresponsible… and risking our identity and secrecy to be uncovered by the humans.”

“Very good,” Silva said, smirking a little.

“Oh Killua dear!! Are you alright? Silva, go easy on him! I heard that a disgusting human tackled my poor child!” The white-haired boy flashed his teeth at his mother.

“I’m fine, mom.”

“Kikyo, please,” Silva said, annoyed. He turned back to face Killua. “Killua. I will—“

 Illumi suddenly caught his father’s attention, speaking sofly and urgently into his ear. Silva made a face, and talked back to him as well, and then Illumi nodded. Killua set his jaw. Whatever they were talking about… he was sure it wasn’t good for him.

“Well… I will allow you to visit the town, and this…  _human friend_ of yours.” Silva cleared his throat. “However, you must always hide your hair, and you must never tell him what you are.” Killua stared wide-eyed at his father. Was he really allowing him to see Gon?

“Understand?” Silva asked.

“Yes… Father,” Killua replied, haltingly. There was definitely something going on, but now he has permission to see Gon, so it can’t be all that bad, right?

The transmission ended, and Killua heaved a sigh of relief.

“Gotoh… you and the other butlers didn’t get in trouble, did you?” The white-haired boy asked, a bit guilty.

“I did. But it was only a quick scolding.”

Killua sagged. “I didn’t mean for you—“

“It’s alright, Master Killua,” Canary said quietly as they left the room. “We all knew this was going to happen sooner or later; and we also know how you don’t like to be stuck in the manor.” Killua opened and closed his mouth, unsure what to say. Did that basically mean they  _let_ him escape?

“I, er… Okay, then.”

Gotoh ran the rules by Killua.

“You are to tell one of your butlers before you leave if you do decide to go to the town. Your curfew is 8 pm, or before nightfall. Whichever is first. You will keep  _this_  on you when you go outside,” Gotoh handed him a cellphone, “Mine, Canary’s and a few other butlers’ numbers are on there. It is of course, for your own use, but be careful what you say. You know your family has a handle on these things.

 “You will leave by gates, just to keep track of the exact time you leave the premises. Also, when you are out, there will occasionally be a butler tailing you. Just to make sure you are safe and to keep you in check.”

“Gotoh, what about Gon coming inside the manor? Wouldn’t it be easier to—“

“No. Your father has forbidden Gon to step on the property. There is also a background check happening on Gon; I hope you know,” At this Killua scowled.  _That’s really too far_ , he thought, “You will also be given some jenny to spend here and there.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes, that is all.”

Killua nodded and frowned at the ground. This seemed a bit too easy. Did this have to do with Illumi?

And then what about all that about ‘humans are dangerous’ and ‘absolutely no interaction?’ He had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach; but, in all honesty he was happy.

If it meant seeing Gon again, then he’d gladly play along.


	4. Chapter 4

The next couple of days, Killua would leave his manor early in the morning. Exploring the town, visiting the shops, and just relaxing and observing the people go about their business. He wouldn’t admit it to himself, but he was also hoping to catch sight of Gon.

Eventually, when the sun would begin to set, he would explore the woods around his house. It wasn’t much different than regular woods, he’d guess; trees, trees, birds, mushrooms. A deer if he was lucky.

This time, he was more than certain that a butler was following him as he strolled the forest. A voice called out.

“Master Killua.”

He stopped in the middle of the clearing.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Chill out,” He grunted.  _As if he was going to run away._  He turned, and started back the direction he came from. The butler had already disappeared.

As he walked back to his manor, many thoughts that he had tried to push away burst forth; about Gon, about Illumi and his father, and about a faint sense of uneasiness he had been feeling lately. There was one strand of thought that stood out among the others.

He was immortal.

Gon wasn’t.

And that plagued Killua more than he would like to admit.

{--x--}

“Master Killua,” said a butler as he entered the gate, “A letter has arrived for you.”

“A letter?” He took it out of the butler’s hand, wondering who it could possibly be. Maybe his family; but they preferred video audiences, not paper. There was no one else who would send him a letter.

When he had sat down on his bed, he threw the envelope in front of him; and stared at it hard for the next twenty minutes.

He knew it was from Gon. Who else?

He wanted to open it so badly; but fear of what was actually written barred him. Would it be good? And how had he figured out his address? Or maybe Gon was too scared to see him in person and just stuck it in his mailbox, then left? He chewed on the pad of his thumb. There was only one way to find out.

He looked over the front of the envelope. There was indeed a stamp; so Gon had mailed it. A fish scene marked the top corner of the envelope, and he smiled. It was jumping out of the water. He flipped it over and carefully pried it open; and gulped as he stared at the folded letter inside.

Killua pulled it out as if he was playing one of those obnoxious surgeon games with Alluka; that one where if you can't successfully remove the piece of whatever from the hole without touching the side, it’ll beep. Loudly. He was pretty sure the envelope wasn’t about to sound its sirens though. Pretty sure.

He huffed, angry at himself. Why was he so damn nervous? It was just a stupid letter.

_A letter from Gon._

Quickly unfolding to the actual material, he saw it was written in a messy scrawl. He chuckled, then read quickly;

                Dear Killua,

I know that day wasn’t really off to a good start, or that it ended on a good note; but despite all that I wanted to ask you if we could meet again! I didn’t know that you had such a big house??? How rich are you? Also, my Aunt Mito sort of wants to meet you. Do you think that you could meet her? I promise, she’s really nice! And, I told her all about how I crashed into you and stole your hat. I hope you aren’t mad about that? I’m coming to town on Thursday, the 7th, so meet me where I crashed into you! In front of that church, remember?

                                                                -Gon

 

Killua blinked, then read over the letter again. And then again.

“He wants… to meet me again? And—“ He sucked in a breath, then let it out. All at once, the tension in his shoulders released and his hands steadied.

“Soon,” the white-haired boy breathed.

{--x--}

He shuffled nervously around his room, as he had been for hours. Pacing, glancing at the clock, then looking out the window. Over and again, until the sun rose.

After a certain amount of time as an immortal; it gets boring. Reading books two times over each, playing video games one after another; what else really was there to do?

Killua had taken to pacing when he had exhausted all his immediate options. When he wasn’t busy, he thought; and when he thought he tended to overthink things. Right now, his nerves were through the roof; and with Illumi and his father likely scheming, thinking too much was the last thing he needed.

He stayed like this until mid-morning rolled around; when he finally decided to shower and get ready for his day with Gon. With his extra time, he could explore the town a bit more and go into any other shops he may have missed.

He told both Gotoh and the butlers stationed at the gate that he was meeting Gon, and they allowed him to go. Killua bit his lip.  _It was too easy._

He walked with his head down, his white hair hidden well. He was anxious that something like what happened last time would reoccur; but since Gon knew now not to pull his hat, he should be okay…

As he was getting more and more comfortable around the town, he ventured even further than he had last time. Popping into antique shops, toy shops—he made a mental note to come by that one again—and also the candy shop once more. Though this time, Killua took care not to completely buy out the whole stock of chocolate.

Then he set off to find Gon. He fumbled with a button on his shirt as he glanced at the time; this town was really convenient, having lampposts with clocks like that. It was just past 11 am. He wondered if he was too early.

As the white-haired boy neared the meeting point he began to fill with a mix of anxiety and excitement. Killua could feel the same hot swirling sensation in his stomach, and it peaked as he saw Gon, waiting. He picked up his pace, then slowed down again.

_What would he say to the dark-haired boy?_

As Killua was starting to hesitate, Gon turned; then smiled.

“Killua!” He ran towards the white-haired boy, and for a second it looked like he was going to tackle him. But then Gon’s smile faltered, and he stopped. “Uh, I’m sorry… About stealing your hat.”

“It’s alright,” Killua said, smiling. “Just… don’t do it again.”

“You’ve got a deal!” Gon said, laughing.

They decided to walk around the town, and just talk. Gon was good at doing that, Killua found.

“I told my Aunt Mito all about you! She says she wants to meet you, and I’d love you to! But,” He looked sideways towards Killua, “are you able? Like sometime soon?”

“I… I’m not sure… If anything, she’d have to come here. I can’t leave this town.”

“Well, that sucks… but, I’m sure one day she’ll come! And you’ll like her a lot, just like I do!” The dark-haired boy gave a brilliant smile, and Killua looked quickly away.

“I’d like to meet her. From what you say, she sounds nice.”

“She is! Also, about sending you the letter—I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to come back, plus your butlers seemed kind of… scary. I found out your address and put a letter in the mail. Plus, Aunt Mito was really angry I didn’t return with the things she wanted.”

“About that—If you need jen—“

“No! I already told you, it’s fine.”

“Okay, then…”

They walked a bit in comfortable silence, and the dark-haired boy pulled Killua into a restaurant with a skip in his step. It was the same one as before. The same waiter came to greet them, and they both got the same dishes.

“But will you tell me?” Gon said suddenly, his mouth full of food.

“Tell you? Tell you what?” Killua stared at the boy across from him, feeling a twinge of nervousness.

“Why you won’t let people see your hair?”

Killua waved his fork in a dismissive motion. “I just don’t want people to see it, that’s all.”

“It’s not weird! Really. I think it’s pretty.” The dark-haired boy looked at him with shining eyes, and Killua again had to look away.

“Well, you aren’t exactly normal, and normal people would find it weird,” he said to Gon.

“Hey! I am too normal!”

“Not really,” the white-haired boy teased. He smirked at Gon, laughing at how worked up he was getting.

“If I’m not normal, what does that make you?” Gon asked. Killua froze.

“What do you mean by that?” His mouth had gone dry, and a pang laced through his stomach.

“I mean, you live in a manor by yourself with your butlers, and you rarely go outside of it, right? So?”

“It’s normal for me, and besides, it isn’t your business,” He said, trying to calm his nerves and level his voice. For a simple idiot, this kid sure was sharp. The dark-haired boy sat back, frowning.

“Come on, you have to give me an actual reason.”

“That  _is_  an actual reason.”

“No it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is.”

“No,”

“Yes.”

“No…”

“Yeah it is.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Are you seriously arguing with me over whether the reason I gave you is good enough?”

“Maybe?”

“Well deal with it.”

“Awwww… You’re no fun.”

The white-haired boy shrugged, spearing a piece of steak with his fork. He didn’t really get why he wasn’t any fun. It’s not like he had that much fun to begin with. Sure, beating the ultimate boss on a video game was  _fun,_ but he didn’t have the kind of  _fun_  other kids did on TV.

All his fun was temporary. Everything just faded into gray over time. In fact, the only thing Killua would ever be sure of is that he would never run out of time.

As the bill came for their food, Killua stole it and paid. He got a frown from Gon, but he didn’t care. His supply of money was endless, Gon’s wasn’t.

But he wished it was, then he would be a normal teen, with a normal life, and a normal house—but honestly, thinking of his father and brothers and sister in a house like one of the families on TV… was hard to imagine.

Gon and Killua exited the restaurant, and the dark-haired boy tugged the other away.

“I want to show you something really cool,” was all he said as dragged Killua towards an unknown destination.


	5. Chapter 5

“Gon.”

Killua was being dragged into the forest, and the further from the city they travelled the more anxious he grew. Yeah, he was letting the other boy pull him along, but he couldn’t let himself get too far from the mansion.

“Gon!”

The dark-haired boy finally turned slightly, glancing back for a moment before focusing back on his path.

“Gon, seriously, we can’t go that far—“ He was stopped suddenly, and a pair of wide, brown eyes scrutinized him. Killua couldn’t look directly into them.

“Killua, you owe me this.”

“Huh!? How do I—“

“You wouldn’t tell me what was wrong with your hair, so now you’ll follow me,” he ended that sentence with an air of determined finality, and Killua groaned inwardly.

“I told you, it’s the color! It’s weird!”

“Yeah, but you aren’t blind. You saw the hundreds of people in the town with weird hair! Yours is normal compared to—“

“No! It’s white and it’s weird and they’ll think—“

“They’ll think nothing of it, because you’re a teenager like me, Killua, and teenagers do things like that.”

Gon had slowed his pace, and his voice was oddly soft at the end of the sentence. For a long time, only the crunching of the brush and bracken underfoot could be heard.

_Teenagers… Like us, huh?_

_Me?_

{--x--}

Eventually, the white-haired boy resigned himself to hell without protest. Instead, he took in the scenery. He was sure they hadn’t travelled that far from the city; maybe only a mile; but the difference was staggering. The foliage was thicker, there were more animals around (though that was a given), but the thing he liked the most about the atmosphere was that it was soft and tranquil.

Then, he picked up the faintest thrumming, like a steady drumbeat; a mighty, far-off roar of something not yet known.

The air grew noticeably more moist and fresh, and the plants more abundant; he started seeing brightly colored flowers and leaves. Gon began stepping more carefully, occasionally stopping at seemingly random places but then continuing on again.

They passed a few more bushes, and then the source of the steady crescendo came into view. It was a tall waterfall, cascading down the side of a cliff face; rushing with such power that it seemed to make the whole air vibrate. A large pool stretched at the bottom, and Killua could see brightly colored fish swimming back and forth under the crystal ripples. He was amazed that such a thing existed so close to him. It looked like something out of the many fairytales he read, long, long ago.

“This is...” He was struck, his senses were being overloaded.

“It’s amazing, right?” Gon twittered, an edge of mystical awe in his voice. “I found it one day when I took a slight detour getting home from the city, and managed to find my way back several times.”

“Yeah, it’s amazing,” the white-haired boy echoed, taking in as much as he could. He began to circle around the pool, stooping low to peer into the water. He reached a hand over the water; but he was hesitant to touch it; unwilling to disrupt the perfect—

Suddenly he was rushing forward, and as he felt cold wetness rush around him he realized what Gon had done. He popped back up, giving the laughing boy a murderous glare.

“For real?” Was all Killua said, dripping wet. The dark-haired boy was holding his sides—honestly, it wasn’t _that_   funny!

 

“You… your face,” Gon gasped, and broke down laughing again. Killua sighed, sinking a bit lower into the pool. It actually… felt kind of nice. Gon was crouching, his arms wrapped around himself and forehead almost touching the ground. Jeez, it  _really_  wasn’t that funny…

Killua smirked to himself, then moved stealthily forward. Gon looked up just as a pale hand latched onto his collar; and a strong tug sent the dark-haired boy flailing into the water as well. He looked absolutely pissed that the white-haired boy had done such a thing—as if he had never, in all his years, expected it—and it just made Killua laugh harder.

They both started a game of dunking the other into the water and splashing—so much for not disrupting the wildlife.

After quite a bit of time of goofing off, the two finally collapsed on the banks of the water and laid themselves out to dry. Killua sighed softly, closing his eyes for a moment and just listening to the waterfall—but he also couldn’t really listen to anything else, because of the deafening roar. He looked over to see what Gon was doing, and noticed he was staring back.

Killua looked quickly away, but Gon smiled at him. The white-haired boy could have sworn he heard his companion laugh, but… he couldn’t be sure.

After the two of them had gotten dry enough (being near a waterfall with all the moisture in the air didn’t really help) they started their trek back. Killua felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle slightly, and new that one of the more powerful butlers was near. He couldn’t catch a break, it seemed.

Still, he pretended nothing was the matter—though when he sent a glance at Gon he could tell the boy also sensed the disturbance. It was like some unspoken agreement that it wasn’t to be mentioned. Sighing, the white-haired boy ran his hands through his hair. He froze.

_Where was his hat?_

Gon had turned, sending a questioning look his way—and noticed what was wrong.  The other boy was frantically running his hands through his hair and looking around wildly— _he just had it goddamnit this is why we can’t have nice things—_

“Hey! Hey Hey! It’s okay, we can just walk straight to your house! We don’t even need to—“

“No, no, I need the hat, if I show up without it then it’ll seem like I didn’t wear it—“

“But you left and you were wearing it right? So—“

“Yeah but they’ll think I took it off purposefully to disobey my father and—“

“Killua it isn’t that big of a—“ Gon wasn’t heard as he continued to ramble.

“—Then I won’t be let outside my house anymore; I don’t w—“

Gon walked right up to him with a determined frown and smushed Killua’s cheeks together, keeping him from talking.

“Listen here, Killua. We can go back and get your hat—it probably fell off in the water.”

“Buh whattif it isn—“

“If it isn’t there then we can explain.”

“Still I’ll be locked—“

“Well if they do seal you into your mansion then I’ll just have to go there to see you.”

The dark-haired boy let go of his face, and started back to the waterfall. Dumbstruck, Killua stood there for a moment longer before Gon motioned him to follow.

The mention that Gon would go that far just to see him—it made his head swim in an indescribable emotion.

It was a nice sentiment—even though Killua knew that if Gon was on his property he’d be, at the nicest, kicked off for eternity. And that’s if the stars align. He wouldn’t allow himself to think of the things that would most likely happen.

[--x--]

“Here it is!”

Gon burst up from the water, sending droplets everywhere; and held in his victorious fist was a baseball cap. The sun was now setting, so they both needed to be home quickly.

Grabbing his baseball cap from the other, he put it on. A sense of intense relief washed over him. It must have showed on his face or something, because the dark-haired boy commented on it.

“So, are you gonna tell me just why you won’t show your hair in—“

“No, stop asking.”

“C’mon, I just—“

“No, Gon, I’m serious, leave it be.”

“Fine, fine… but, if I win the race, you have to tell me.”

 Killua frowned, turning to look at his companion, “Huh? What race—“

He was blown by as the dark-haired boy sprinted past; a brief grunt and a thought of, ‘oh,  _that_ race,’ flashed through his brain. In the next second he was in pursuit.

He didn’t know where they were headed but he hoped Gon knew his way around—if he had to call Gotoh to come get him from the forest he’s pretty sure he’d die of embarrassment. Holding onto his hat for dear life, he caught up easily.

Being bored and an immortal definitely had its perks, as he could probably run for 24 hours straight at a full out sprint.. but a human couldn’t.

Gon sent him a pout, his lower lip out and his eyebrows scrunched—and he picked up his pace.

Sheesh, this kid was fast. Well, he was too, but still… he sure didn’t expect this from this seemingly simple idiot he met a few days ago.

They kept up at it for another couple of minutes—Killua could hear Gon’s breath rushing fast and hard through his mouth, and tried to mimic it. He didn’t need any more keen inquiries from the dark-haired boy.

When Gon begain to slow slightly, the white-haired boy did also; matching his step to make sure he overtook the other in a few more paces.

“That log!” Gon shouted, putting on another spurt of energy. Killua cursed and lengthened his strides—and as the two reached the log it was a tie.

Gon sat down on it, falling backward and taking big gasps of air; Killua stood halfway hunched over, keeping an eye on the other boy. After they had caught their breath, Gon began to laugh. Killua raised an eyebrow at him.

“What’s so funny?”

“You have to atleast tell me half your secret!”

“Wha—Half—No way!”

“It was a tie! So now you’re gonna tell me…”

“Tell you wh—“

“Shhh! I’m thinking.”

Killua stood with his arms crossed for a couple minutes, until he swore he could see smoke coming out of the other’s ears.

“Okay, give it a rest before you burn yourself out,” he huffed.

“Hey… what would half of your secret be? Since I don’t know it, I don’t even know what half could be…” Gon frowned, putting a contemplating hand on his chin.

“Uh, well, I’m not going to help you on this.”

“How mean!”

“How is that mean? It’s my secret in the first place so—“

“Aha! So it  _is_  a secret!”

“No! It isn’t! I already told you why in the first place, it’s not a secret!” Despite himself, he was starting to bristle again. Gon wouldn’t back down though.

“Well… whatever you say... I know you’re hiding something! And I’ll find out, too!” Gon stood then, and stretched, as if he hadn’t just made the most dangerous declaration that he could have, right at this moment. Killua groaned inwardly.

“I’ll walk you home, alright?”

Gon started to walk, and so Killua fell in beside him.

This kid is going to be one hell of a rollercoaster ride—and for better or for worse, he can’t get off of it.


	6. Chapter 6

Killua watched Gon's back until he couldn't see it anymore. And even when he couldn't see his friend's retreating figure, he sat on the wall, watching. Long after the sun set.

Since one of the butlers had been watching them, he was sure he wouldn't get in trouble. He didn't know entirely who it was, but he also was mildly sure they wouldn't stir the pot with his father. At least... that's what he hoped. 

He braced his hands behind his head and squinted at the rising moon; and the stars that glittered so coldly and far away. 

A deep breath released itself from his chest, and he felt the knots unwind in his gut that he didn't know he had. Gotoh had been disapproving about their 'obvious lack of ability to observe the position of the sun in the sky,' but that was all the scolding he got. And he knew such a minor thing wouldn't be reported to his family; at least, not by Gotoh.

Now, the only thing he had left to do was worry about whether or not Gon's little quip about finding out Killua's secret was going to travel to Silva... And if it did, what would happen to Gon. If push came to shove, he wasn't sure what he would do. Or he did, but was scared to admit it to himself. Not even in the back of his mind.

 

So after he had contemplated this enough, he got off the wall and went to find his trusted butler. He was finally going to ask Gotoh what he didn't know; it was about time he got answers.

{--x--}

"What do you mean, you can't tell me!?"

"I mean exactly what I said, Killua."

"But you--You're supposed to know those things!"

Gotoh stared at him calmly and sighed ever so slightly. "You haven't come of age yet. It's--"

"I'm old enough! Thirteen more years won't make a difference!" 

"I've already told you. You have to wait. And even then, I couldn't tell you because I wouldn't know." The butler pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and turned back to his paperwork. A clear sign that this conversation was over.

Killua stormed out of the room, a crackling aura accompanying him as he went into the library. The butlers that were in there immediately created space for him, and as soon as he was alone in the massive shelves of paper he calmed himself. If Gotoh wouldn't tell him, he would find out himself.

He wanted to know why he existed; there had to be some reason. Silva had said it was 'to watch over the world.' But that didn't make sense. Vicious wars have happened, genocide and pandemics; if that's the case, why hasn't his family done anything to prevent that?

For what purpose was he here? To live a thousand lives and be condemned to isolation; what kind of myth grew in his flesh, what chemical flowed in his veins and kept his heart beating? 

What was he, really?

He was sure his father wouldn't tell him, not until thirteen years down the road. 

And even then, he couldn't be sure it was all a huge lie.

{--x--}

Killua had searched them all.

Greek mythology, Norse; every religion or myth on the planet about immortality and even things like the Grim Reaper. 

And he got nothing.

It was the end of tomorrow; the day after the one he spent with Gon. And while he was on the subject of his dark-haired friend... he pulled out his cellphone and turned it on, grumbling about his friend forcing him to give out his number.

There were five messages, and one call. No voicemail.

[----From: Gon [YESTERDAY]----]

     [9:12 PM]     hey, killua! i just called but you didn't answer....

     [9:12 PM]     anyway, my aunt mito wanted to know if you wanted to come over to our house sometime!

     [9:12 PM]     i dont know if your family would allow it, but...?

     [9:13 PM]     call me back so we can set a dare!

     [9:15 PM]     date** :P

 Killua snickered at the messages, rolling his eyes slightly. He could almost hear Gon's voice in his head as he read the text. He quickly texted back.

[----To: Gon [TODAY]----]

     [10:56 PM]   Hey, Gon. Sorry I missed your call; I'll check if it's okay. That sounds like fun!

[----From: Gon [TODAY]---]

     [10:56 PM]   ok, great!!!! :PPP

He blinked at the fast reply, snorting to himself. For some reason, that was so characteristic of his friend; and even the emoji was like a part of Gon.

And the white-haired boy smiled, the first real smile ages; something warm threatened to burst from his chest, and even though he knew that couldn't happen he was sure it would. 

He would ask Gotoh to set up a line to his father as soon as possible; but for the time being... he slept.

For once, his dreams were warm and soft and filled with the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. I am so sorry. I feel like I've been almost... teasing all of you who are keeping up with this. I've just been so busy and.. unsure of where to go with this? Multi-chapter isn't my thing, obviously...  
> Also I was looking through the previous chapters and re-reading them and they need so much work. I'd go back and edit them but honestly I... don't have the drive to.  
> Anyway, I'm going to finish this, since that's what I promised myself. Eventually...


	7. Chapter 7

“So… Killua. What you are saying is that you would like to go to the house of this friend of yours.”

“Yes.”

“You realize that is a strict violation of all our policies.”

Killua sighed. This conversation had been going around and around for the last half hour. He tried not to massage his temples.

“Father; I don’t mean any disrespect, but you have given me permission to ‘violate our policies.’ In fact, I’ve been doing it for the last few weeks.” Silva’s eyes flashed, and Killua prepared himself for the storm; but it never came.

“Very well, Killua. Do what you like.” And with that, the screen returned to darkness, and Silva’s face vanished. There was an edge to his father’s tone that he couldn’t quite place; and that terrible feeling of anxiousness wormed its way back into the forefront of his mind.

He stared at his reflection in the screen. His father was definitely planning something.

“Master Killua. The transmission has ended. You’d do well to leave the conference room,” Gotoh stated.

The white-haired boy shook himself, and then nervous excitement coursed through him. Now, he would relay the news to Gon.

{--x--}

“Hey!”

“Yo, Gon.”

“So….?”

“So—the verdict is I can go. It’s fine with my father.”

“Great! Um, what’s good for you to com—“ A brief interruption on the other end of the phone line, and Killua could make out a woman’s voice and his friend’s muffled one as Gon took the receiver away from his face. “Uh, sorry about that. Aunt Mito said you can come over whenever! So…”

“Well, when do you want me?”

“Right now,” was the response. It came so immediately that Killua was dumbstruck for a second. “Ah, I mean, well—how about tomorrow?” Gon’s voice wavered slightly, as if he was embarrassed.

“Yeah, that sounds just fine to me.”

“Great! Okay, meet me by that one building—“

“That you hit me with your bike in front of?”

“Yes—at 9 am… Uh, sorry abo—“

“Sheesh, you seriously don’t have to apologize every time—“

“But I feel bad!”

“Gon, it’s alright. I’m ok,” the white-haired boy chuckled a bit and added, under his breath, “Besides, I got to meet you.”

“Huh? Did you say something?”

“Oh, no; nothing.”

“Liar.”

“Hmm? What was that? I didn’t hear you.”

“L-I-A-R.”

“I’m not lying.”

He heard Gon huff. “Listen, I’ll brief you more later—but I’m sure Aunt Mito will like you! And do you have a bike you can ride?”

“Yeah I have a bike!” It was old and too small for him, but he could send one of the butlers out.

“Great! We’ll be riding a whole ten miles!”

“Ten miles? You ride your bike ten miles every time you—“

“Yes.”

“God.”

“Don’t say the lord’s name in vain.”

“Seriously?”

“Nope.”

“Considering you hit me in front of that church I don’t think you have a very valid argument anyway.”

“Hey… I’m an angel.”

Killua snorted. “Yeah, and I’m a porcupine.”

“You could be.”

“You’d be more fitting for porcupine.”

“Well, that’s true.” There was another commotion on Gon’s side of the line. “Okay—Yeah, I know—Alright. Sorry Killua I gotta go! I’ll talk to you later alright?”

“Okay. See ya.” The line clicked dead.

Killua threw himself onto his bed, and tried (but failed) to hold down his excitement. Tomorrow, at 9 am. He opened his phone and saw he got a text from Gon.

[----From: Gon [TODAY]---]

     [11:20 AM]     hey! also, do you have any food allergies or anything i should know of?

[----To: Gon [TODAY]---]

     [11:20 AM]     Nope. I have none.

[----From: Gon [TODAY]---]

     [11:21 AM]     ok great!!!! see u then and don’t be late :PPP

He smiled at the texts, and then tossed his phone near his pillow and rolled over on his stomach. On a second thought, he pulled his phone closer and texted back.

[----To: Gon [TODAY]---]

     [11:25 AM]     By the way; is there anything in particular I should wear? Like;

[----From: Gon [TODAY]---]

     [11:25 AM]     nope!! just wear what u usually do !

[----To: Gon [TODAY]---]

     [11:25 AM]     Ok! Sounds great.

[----From: Gon [TODAY]---]

     [11:26 AM]     :PPPP

The white-haired boy shut his phone, and went directly to Gotoh. He relayed the news of the need of a bike, and the butler departed to find one. Killua had no doubt in Gotoh’s abilities to find him a good one, since he knew the boy better than the other butlers.

To distract himself from his excitement, he turned on a video game. Being as old as he was, he had seen pretty much all the plot twists and character types before; but the one he was focused on right now was actually surprisingly good, and kept him entertained. He beat it quickly. 

After he had finally gotten to the end credits screen and the receipt for beating the game, he was immediately bored again. 

What a vicious cycle. 

For a few minutes, he succeeded in not glancing at his wardrobe doors. And then when he had failed at that, he spent another half hour just glaring. Finally, grumbling, got up, and began to ruffle through all his clothes; which weren't that many, especially considering how long he's lived and how much money he has. For a great duration of his life, all he needed was shorts and t-shirts, and the occasional suit. Most of the stuff in his drawers was too small to fit him as well. 

Gon had said 'just wear what you usually do' (in text lingo, of course) but the white-haired boy couldn't help but fret over it. He usually wore shorts and a t-shirt... but he wasn't sure what kind of woman Aunt Mito was. Was she strict? Did she care? Well, she did send Gon ten miles each day to the town to get food, or at least lets him go, so she can't be that bad...

After about a million thoughts had paraded around his skull he glanced at the time. It was 11 pm. 

He shrugged, emerged from the mess on his bedroom floor, and crawled into bed. Even he knew when enough worrying was enough.

But, then again, how could he not worry? His own mother was definitely not normal by real life standards (none of his family was), but he didn't know how to act. He berated himself for not asking Gon what she was like, in detail—though his friend seemed pretty confident that Killua would be fine.

At some point in the night, he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  If you're seeing an update on this; SORRY ! no real update I just went through and edited the chapters because they were full of bad grammar and mistakes... sheesh... I'm so glad I've grown as a writer..
> 
> I just spent the last two hours doing that so I don't know when I'll update this again. I'm really sorry! I have future plans to, but for now I don't know when I'll find the time. I'll be out of school in a bit... so. Maybe summer. Anyway, enjoy this ! 
> 
> The update doesn't require you to go back and read the previous chapters.


	8. Chapter 8

The whole ride there was just like trying to navigate a pitch black cavern deep underground; Killua had no idea where they were going, and the dense foliage made it dark. But Gon seemed to know the way like the back of his hand—taking the both of them through winding trails, sometimes even bypassing the routes all together.

His dark-haired companion never seemed to tire; as sweat accumulated on his brow and his breath grew short, his eyes just seemed to grow with determination, and his smile grew wider. And dorkier, Killua noted. The bike his butler had provided him with wasn’t all that suited to the terrain, but it kept up well enough. At the end of this ride, though, he was sure it wouldn’t hold up.

But a trickle of sweat accumulated between his shoulder blades; about three of the more powerful butlers had accompanied him, and were in pursuit. Two on each side, one directly behind.

Gon seemed to pick up on this, but not consciously; he could see the dark-haired boy put his nose in the air and furrow his brow every once in a while, and also glance in those directions often.

Although the threat was hanging in the air, Killua didn’t feel anything but exhilarated; he had only really done this sort of thing in video games, and when he was much smaller, at his parent’s estate. And even then, it wasn’t of his own accord, it wasn’t like this… Back then, his collar wasn’t even loosened an inch. The wind slid past his face and he grinned widely for a brief moment; letting his bike trail a bit as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Yeah, he could do this more often. He wanted to take his hat off and have the wind pull his hair; but… that was an impossibility. If he loosened the piece of fishing line keeping his hat on, his butlers would condemn him.

After about an hour or so of biking, the trees and shrubs gave way to dirt roads, and then a cluster of houses.

“We’re here!”  Gon shouted breathlessly, slightly picking up the pace. They passed by most of the other houses, and a tiny convenience store—and finally made it to a house, more far removed from the town, atop a hill.

Gon stopped just short of it, laid his bike against the front, and (tried) to fix his clothes before knocking on the door. Killua followed suit, more warily. Now that the bike ride was over, the anxiety washed over him fresh and new; he was concerned about what information his butlers would bring back to his family, and what they would do with it.

Before he had much more time to contemplate it, the door was whipped open and he was introduced to a petite woman with striking pink hair, and another, much older women peeked from behind the other’s shoulder.

“Aunt Mito,” Gon said excitedly to the pink haired woman, “This is Killua!”

Killua nodded slightly to the two of them, pulling the brim of his hat a little lower and barely squeaking an adequate greeting. The two didn’t seem to mind, as the boys were ushered quickly inside and shooed off to take baths.

This was one hell of an ordeal for Killua; he had never bathed in the presence of another person, much less a human. But twenty minutes later with them both sitting at the table with food prepared and squeaky clean, that was all the thought he gave to it. Sometimes, human customs are so foreign, even when he’s been studying them his whole life.

That lunch was one of the best he’s ever tasted; but he doesn’t know whether that was affected or not because he was surrounded by good company. He was sure the food was amazing—and he found himself smiling as he watched Gon interact with his family.

After they cleaned off their plates, Gon showed Killua his room. It was small and tidy, and had a gaming system in the corner. Killua made a beeline for it.

“Oh, that’s really old. I only have a couple games… and most of them I can’t beat. I’m not very good at them.”

“You have some really cool games! I’ve beaten all of them, though,” Killua sorted through his pile, and he could see why his friend had trouble. Most of these were either confusing to navigate, had cryptic objective points, or insane level curves.

“All of them!? Wow! Maybe you can help me get past the boss battle in this one?” He held up a copy of Final Fantasy VII.

“Which battle?”

“The one with… the really weird guy with the wing and long silver hair.”

“You mean Sephiroth?”

“Er, yeah.”

“Sure.”

And Killua did defeat Sephiroth, pretty easily; Gon’s jaw dropped in amazement, and another game was inserted into the console.

“Try this one,” Gon said, and Killua did. And won. Another game was placed in the console, and again Killua completed the challenge.

After they had just about played every single game, Gon leaned back and shook his head.

“You’re really amazing at video games,” he said, glancing sideways.

“Yeah, I’ve… played a lot of them.” He’s had time, after all.

Gon hummed, and Killua put his hands behind his head and laid down. It was getting late, so he’d have to head home soon…

“Hey, Killua.”

“Hm?” He glanced over at Gon, who was standing by the door.

“I want to show you something, so follow me!”

Gon took off, racing through the house and yelling a quick, “We’ll be back!” to Aunt Mito, and running out the front door. Killua followed much more slowly, taking a second to realize where his friend had gone, and then sprinting after him.

The boys ran for a long while into the twilight of the forest, away from the house and away from civilization. Eventually, they stopped. Gon had taken Killua to a cliff; overlooking a forest, a few rivers, and on one side, the ocean.

Killua sensed the butlers again, but choose to ignore them as Gon sat down on a rock.

They sat in silence again, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. The sun began to set and eventually, the sky gave way to stars and the moon. Killua closed his eyes and reveled in the moment. He was somewhere with a friend, anywhere other than that cursed mansion, and he was freely enjoying himself.

“So, are you going to tell me?”

The white-haired boy cracked open and eye and glanced at Gon, who was staring at him determinedly. His butlers were nearby…

“Alright, alright. You got me,” Killua said, crossing his arms. “I… it’s not my natural hair color.”

“What! Killua, that’s—“

“Sorry, Gon, I know you’re disappointed, but—“

Gon reached out and put both his hands on Killua’s shoulders, making them both freeze in place. The dark-haired boy was using that same stare—the one that Killua could never hold. It was unfair, honestly.

“Killua.”

“… Gon.”

The white-haired boy sighed, brushing the other away. For the moment, Gon seemed to let it go, and Killua laid back.

“Your hair is as white as the moon,” Gon said.

“Yeah…. I guess it is.”

They lapsed into silence again, and Killua closed his eyes. The moon was so bright that he could feel its power beneath his eyelids, and he felt slightly humbled by it. Grass brushed softly around him; the clouds were nowhere to be seen in the sky, and for a brief moment he was overwhelmed with sadness. Sadness that he couldn’t do this every day, sadness that he had never done this before, and sadness that he would have to go back home shortly; back to that mansion.

Back to being inhuman.

Eventually, Gon stood, and they ran side by side through the forest back to his house. Aunt Mito offered them some more food, and the two of them ate gratefully; but even as they headed again to Gon’s room there seemed to be a wall between them.

And Killua didn’t know whether or not that was his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... I don't even have an excuse.... this has been sitting unfinished for the last seven months... I'm... so sorry..
> 
> *inserts one of my favorite game series of all time, y'know, discreetly.*


	9. Chapter 9

Killua jerked awake; the moon was beaming through the bedroom window, and he could hear his uneven breath in the dead quiet. He looked beside him, and found his friend; sound asleep and snoring lightly away. It was an odd feeling. His friend was so peaceful; he’d never really been exposed to this kind of thing. Killua’s confusion grew, and quickly turned to white-hot panic.

_What time was it?_

Oh how could he have fallen asleep—that’s not typical for him to do. He had gotten plenty of rest beforehand so he should have been able to stay awake.

_Where are the butlers? What will happen now? It’s only a night, but what will they do?_

Killua glanced at his hat abandoned on the floor a couple feet away; and ran a shaky hand through his hair. God, was he in trouble.

Blood roared through his ears as he quietly picked his way across Gon’s (now messy) room; he snatched up the hat and put it on. It didn’t calm his nerves. He tried not to wake Gon up, but he knew it was only a matter of time; Killua had to find his phone and he wasn’t really in the mind to be quiet.

He had five messages. Three from Gotoh, one from the other head butler, and one from his father. Taking a deep breath, he dialed for his father. It immediately picked up.

“Killua. I do hope you realize what time it is.”

“Yes, I…” He wiped his free hand down his shirt. “I do.”

“Then, Killua, you do realize that you have violated our agreements.”

“It was unintentional, Father.”

“You have been out the whole day, away from the protection of your butlers, and above all, spent the night at your human’s house. You were supposed to return to your manor—“

“I understand, Father, I have made a mistake. I got carried away and—“

“Do not interrupt me, Killua. As one of us, you must NOT get carried away. You must be able to control yourself, your emotions, and above all,” Silva growled, “your boundaries.”

“Father, with all due respect, if these boundaries are of such great importance, why was I given permission to—“ He heard Gon stir behind him, and cursed his bad luck.

“Killua. Return home. End of discussion. I will talk to you as soon as you are back.”

The line clicked dead, and Killua only had time to process the severity of his situation, when Gon sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Killua? What’re you doing?”

“I just… I have to go. My father was angry with me.”

“Oh.” The dark-haired boy blinked slowly, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. “I can show you back—“

“No, that’s alright. I can go myself,” he couldn’t look at his friend.

“Are you sure? It’s dark out and—“

“Yeah! Seriously, don’t worry about it, I remember the way.” Why hadn’t the horde of butlers that followed him not woken him? It was so odd, he usually doesn’t fall asleep without knowing it… He was halfway out the door when Gon stopped him.

“Killua… Thank you.” The white-haired boy whipped his head, and ice blue eyes met brown.

“Wh… What for?”

“Well…” his friend glanced slightly downward, teetering on his toes slightly. Was he embarrassed? “It’s just… I had a really fun time, that’s all.”

“Oh, uh.. Yeah… I did too.” How does he respond to something like that? Gon shot him a brilliant smile.

“I’ll text you okay!”

“Alright!” Killua slipped his wrist from Gon’s hand and hopped quickly out of reach, so the other couldn’t stop him again. Any second he delayed was crucial. He jogged into the woods and immediately sensed the oppressive force from his butlers.

“Master Killua. You have violated your terms.” Tsubone appeared before him, and he gritted his teeth. Of course Tsubone wouldn’t wake him. “You have gone past the allotted time given for this occasion. We will escort you back to the manor.”

The butlers surrounded him closely, and in one swift movement, they began their trek. Killua’s bike was carried by Tsubone, glittering white as the breaks in the canopy of the forest flashed moonlight downward. The white-haired boy set his jaw and resigned himself.

He wouldn’t get out of this one so easy.

{--x--}

“Completely CARELESS!”

His mother paraded around on the other side of the screen, her electronic eye lighting up. “How could you allow yourself to sleep in the presence of a human! A HUMAN! Oh, Killua, dear, please tell me he didn’t do anything to you! Humans can be so utterly terrible!”

“Kikyo, please.” Silva moved his eyes slowly from his wife back to the camera, and stared at it. Sweat accumulated between Killua’s shoulder blades. “I gave you permission to follow through with this dangerous activity, and you have failed to adhere to the rules previously set out for you.”

“Father, I do not believe we should penalize Killu so harshly,” Illumi chimed. “He is just a child, having not yet come of age.”

“Another 13 years will pass in the blink of an eye, and he must be ready to bear the responsibility of his existence. He should already be mature. I will not allow a disclosure of our existence to a human.” Silva stood, and even though the two were nowhere near each other, Killua filled with fear for his father. The white-haired boy tried to wet his throat, but the moisture had all but gone from his tongue. He had to think of something, and quick.

“Father… you said once that our mission was to observe the life of the humans and safe-guard them,” he started, trying desperately to get his voice under control. “It is to my current knowledge that it’s been atleast a couple hundred years since our kind last truly got close enough to a human to have a trained watchful eye.”

“Killua, may I ask what you are implying?” Silva had sat back down, listening intently.

“I’m just stating… that we may be too out of touch with the humans around us to properly guide them.”

 Illumi’s stare bore into Killua, and the two connected their stares; the bottomless dark eyes that had tormented him for endless years, and unconfident, cracked blue of his that he hoped sent out a convincing message.

His father shifted ever so slightly in his chair, while Kikyo just frowned.

“I will think about this statement. I forbid you to meet your human until I come to a decision.”

The screen blinked out, and Killua slumped in his chair, pressing his fingers to his temple. He cursed slightly under his breath, and left quickly from the conference room.

The butlers said nothing to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> crap... really, I... I've been dealing with a lot. I have much more free time now than I did before, so I should be able to update this swiftly and regularly. Thank you all for sticking with me !


	10. Chapter 10

The next few days, he watched his phone religiously. Every time Gon texted him, every time Gon didn’t text him… he tried to remain impassive about how happy his friend made him, but he was unsure if he was being convincing or not.

They talked about every little thing that was thrown their way; most times the dark-haired boy initiated conversation, and Killua gladly responded. It was a nice break from his usual routine, the one before they had met; when he stared blankly at the ceiling and waited for the days to roll slowly by.

He learned several more things about Gon in the next week; his favorite food, his favorite color, what kind of people were in his town, his desire to explore and travel, and what he did in his free time. Killua didn’t really have anything to offer, but atleast he could help in the chance his friend got a new game and needed assistance, or wanted to know if the next season of a show was worth watching.

They talked endlessly, and Killua loved it. But he didn’t love the constant anxiety hanging over him. He knew his actions were being monitored, and the lines and texts being examined. He hated the feeling that any moment, Gon would--

There was a light knock on his door, and Gotoh appeared with a cold sweat on his brow.

“Your father requests a conference with you, Master Killua. As soon as possible.”

And just like that, the boy was on his way to find out what will be done with this situation, and it didn’t take long for panic and nervousness to set in. Just a week before he sat here, and he almost lost Gon. Would he lose his friend today?

“Your father requests you alone, so myself and the rest of the butlers will take our leave.” Killua watched Canary and finally Gotoh pass through the door, flashing them a strained smile. Gotoh just nodded, ever so slightly. A gesture for good luck.

Once again, the screen bleeped to life, but only Silva was present. His usual nonexpressive demeanor was gone; instead his face was affected with some emotion—(Anger? Indecision? Concern?)—and his posture was not relaxed. Killua was immediately alarmed.

“You know why I have called you. I want to discuss with you the nature of your human, and the future of this endeavor. I have made my decision, and so will be the decision that will end the debate on this matter once and for all. Do you understand, Killua?”

“Y-yes.”

“Very well.” Silva’s face betrayed some emotion again, but it was gone quickly. He sighed. “I have been considering you as the rightful heir of our kind. You do not know yet the true responsibility it holds, and neither do you know the strain I have been put through by your episodes of fun with the human.” Killua sat, a bit dumbstruck, but his father continued. “It is true that the humans have not been observed in quite a long while, and as such, we may be a bit removed from their world. However, humans are the same through and through, no matter how much time you give them. Their history will forever repeat itself, and so will they repeat themselves.

“Thirteen years will pass to you in the blink of an eye, the beat of a heart; but right now I do believe I should relay to you the true nature of what you are, and what our kind is.” Killua’s heart stopped slightly, and he blinked up at the screen, mind going blank.

 “Do you want to know, Killua? The truth of why you exist, and what your role in the universe is? I have told you only part of the truth.”

“Yes, I—I want to know.” His heart started to speed up, and he couldn’t help but lean forward slightly.

“Our kind is here in this world to monitor and watch, which you already know of. But that is where the similarity ends. That is all I have told you. You know you will live much longer than any of these mortal humans; you know that these rules are in place for a reason.

“Humans are, for lack of better words, an anomaly in the system of the universe. They were never meant to be created, stemming from the dirtiest cesspool of life the cosmos have to offer. In the beginning, there was much controversy over the nature of the humans and whether they should be allowed to continue to be. The Ancients, a group of other beings like us, debated endlessly on the topic.

“In the Gathering of Ancients for C. 13996, which is what discussion manifested out of the opposing viewpoints of the human race, our kind was chosen to monitor the humans. We would, at first, track their progress, and later down the road, make the decision to either exterminate them or assimilate them.

“But it was never easy. The humans did grow in thought and behavior, increasing steadily from the primitive life forms they once were. We have introduced and instigated rivalry and sickness to the race to stimulate their reaction, and it has not been particularly golden results, as you well know.

“As of now, we have put on hold our instigation, and are now just observing off-handedly. In this particular age, I do not think we have the need to interfere. The humans are peculiar, as they have a certain wild aura of unpredictability. They seem to be unable to deviate from their core of bestiality, and we wait for the day when they are minded enough to gather with the Ancients.”

“But.. why… why can I not.. interact with them? There are rules, and I… understand the reasoning, but—“

“There used to be many more of us, Killua. Multiple families of us, ones that were just like the one you and I are a part of. Do you know what happened to us?

“There were some of us who loved the humans we came to monitor. Those of us sent out like you suggested previously, to gather information; who never came back. Our kind was chosen not only for our increased longevity, which easily eclipses any other race of Ancient; but because we are also very good for analysis of emotions and seeing both sides.

“Our family is the only one left of pure blood. The rest has been diluted by human blood, and gone to pass with their human companions. We may be immortal in the sense of longevity, but not in wounds.

“Now, on to the fact of the matter; your dealing with the human. I will not allow it, at all. The butlers have picked up signs of something more than friendship, and I forbid—“

“You can’t bar me from seeing Gon! You can’t, he’s the only person I’ve ever—“

“And that is precisely the reason why I have come to this decision.” Silva bristled visibly, and Killua could feel the anger roll off of him in waves. “I will NOT have the future heir to our race be led astray with the fancies of a mere human!”

“I never wanted to be heir! I never even wanted this damn life, because as far as I’m concerned, we’re here to waste away in silence forever. I will not stop seeing Gon, and as of now, I am no longer under the rules or obligation of our family.”

“And where do you think you will go, Killua? Where do you think you can run that I don’t know of? I’m sure you know Illumi has had his eyes on your human for a while, now.” At that, Killua bristled fiercely. He felt an old and powerful emotion rise up from his stomach. It sharpened his vision, his teeth, and his nails.

“If Gon is so much as touched, I will not hesitate to kill whoever it is.”

Killua ended the transmission, the edges of his hair standing on end and his hands shaking. He can’t believe he just fucking did that, he can’t believe he just—

“Master… Killua,” Gotoh said, reappearing in the doorway.

“Are you going to stop me, Gotoh?” he said, quietly; tensing. The butler only shook his head.

“Hurry.”

{--x--}

It didn’t take long for him to gather what possessions he had and leave for Gon’s; cursing all the while.

He didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. Why the hell was he going straight to Gon’s? Was his father really sending Illumi after him? What about any other assassins, what about the butlers like Tsubone?

Why was he sacrificing his entire existence on one young human?

A member of one of the Ancients, blessed (cursed) with longevity but still mortality; a race that was vulnerable in emotion and empathy…

He was sacrificing all of this because… Gon made him genuinely happy. It’s the first real positive emotion he’s had in a long, long while. And he doesn’t want to lose it.

No, they won’t take Gon away from him. They can try, but they won’t succeed.

Killua dug his heels harder into the bike as the forest blurred by him; his mind was a mess and right now all he wanted to do was watch the stars with Gon and forget the world.

He wanted to forget what he was; what he was made to be.

A shaking fist rose to knock on Gon's door; his own fist. He regarded it in wonder; somehow, he felt different; new, reborn. This was his decision, and he wouldn't be bound by his oppressive duties and the force of his father's will.

He wanted no more of this pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha.. a double update! Surprise! I hope this is all coherent with the plot and everything, I decided to change my plans at the last moment.
> 
> Not many more chapters to go ! I intend to wrap this up soon.


	11. Chapter 11

He doesn’t know how long he stood there, with a single, lonely fist raised and his breath coming fast. In the end, he shook his head vigorously, backing away from the door. He gritted his teeth, tears stinging in his eyes. It seems like even when he’s faced with it, he just…

Before he knew what he was doing, his feet were taking him away. He crashed blindly through the wood, knocking his body into branches and stumbling over rocks and logs. When he looked up next, he was at the cliff; the waning moon beaming down at him. The urge to scream at the lonely orb was overwhelming, but his voice wouldn’t come.

He sank there in the grass, watching it; his blood roaring in the almost completely silent night. In his mind, he asked the moon a whole host of questions, but he didn’t quite know what it was that he was asking.

His anxieties, his thoughts, his fear; it finally all melted away. He stilled his breath and closed his eyes once again in that same spot, letting himself be. For once, the weight was gone. These past few weeks have been nothing short of hellish for his unaccustomed conscience.

A footstep behind him made him jump and turn on the defensive, ready to face his family’s inevitable adversaries; but he immediately froze when he saw a familiar dark-haired boy. His nerves hit him full force.

“Killua?”

The white-haired boy blinked, his jaw dropping to say something; his voice was still out. Instead, he just nodded. His gaze was cast to the grass a few feet before him—there was no way he would be able to meet those intense eyes with his own.

Which is why he was caught completely off-guard when Gon crashed into him, sending them both onto the grass below, one boy with a vice grip around the other in a tight hug. The white-haired boy exhaled a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

Gon released Killua, looking down at him and shooting a sloppy smile. “You were in the area and didn’t even call?”

“Well, I—Uh, it was kinda last minute, I—“ Shit, the phone. Did he bring it? He had to dispose of it—

“Come on! It’s really cold, you’re freezing! Let’s go back to my house.”

“A-Alright… One sec.” He took his phone from his pocket, crushing it easily and quickly. With a running start, he gathered up his strength and sent the remains well over the cliff; down into the deep blue sea below. Gon looked at his friend, lips pursed in a slight frown; but he decided to leave the question. After all, Killua did look like hell.

The two of them set a pace back to the house.

“So, uh… how did you know I was there?” Killua glanced at Gon, who just smiled again in response.

“Well… I didn’t know. I just had an urge to go out…”

The white-haired boy hummed. He was just beginning to feel the effects of… well, everything; the cuts he had accumulated from his desperate journey stung, his bones and muscles ached from falls and exertion, and his brain buzzed with tiredness.

It took Mito exactly 5 seconds to regard Killua before ordering him into a bath, preparing a quick meal while scolding Gon for leaving unannounced.

Killua laid in the tub for as long as he could manage, still soaking up the recent events and trying to make sense of everything. He even began to fall asleep, but through his muddled thoughts he made three concise conclusions.

One: He had just excommunicated and blacklisted himself among his family, meaning they were probably going to come kill him and/or Gon.

Two: He was completely sure he had no idea what he was doing.

And Three: He wanted to stay with Gon.

He sank lower into the warm water and closed his eyes. Of all things… it’s come to this. He had felt it in his gut; the way the air changed ever so slightly the day he met Gon, the way the world had shifted around him because of that encounter.

Rising from the bath, he donned the clothes set out for him and headed downstairs.

“—I don’t know why you couldn’t have at least _mentioned_ you were heading out into the night; I had no idea where you went, I worry you know! I know Killua didn’t plan for this either, but you should know better!”

Gon just laughed lightly, embarrassed. “Sorry, Aunt Mito… It’s just… I really had to go.”

Killua came upon them, and Mito straightened to welcome him with a smile.

“Are you feeling better? Come, have a seat and eat up!” He was ushered next to Gon, and gratefully received the plate Mito had for him. It was quiet, but not uncomfortable. Aunt Mito regarded the two boys before her warmly; she didn’t mind the ungodly hour the white-haired boy had emerged from the dark in. It was difficult for Killua to keep his composure.

“Thank you,” he choked, barely able to keep his emotions in check. Aunt Mito just looked at him with a soft expression.

“You two boys get some rest.”

Gon took Killua up to his room, and the two of them crawled into bed. He had a brief rush of elation at being able to do this without his father’s permission; without needing anything at all but his own being and ability to choose.

Fleetingly, he mused to himself that this must be the most he’s ever slept; the events that have taken place completely drained him. The white-haired boy fell easily and thankfully into a deep, dreamless sleep. Even if he didn’t know what would happen, he was happy to be here. It felt like home.

{--x--}

Killua woke the next morning with a heavy body but surprisingly clear mind; he knew whoever his father had sent would be preparing. He tried to sense any foreign or odd presences in the proximity; but he relented after a few minutes of no results.

He turned to find his friend nowhere in the room, and so he finally sat up, yawning loudly. The bones in his body cracked and popped as he rolled out of the bed, staggering slightly in his sleepy state, and he made his way into the hall and down to the kitchen.

The wood grain of the house was worn and soft under his feet. It was so unlike his family’s style. This house was warm and full of life and sun; but everywhere he had ever lived was the exact opposite, filled with stone and granite and bleakly decorated. Not that that was a bad thing… but he loved the way this house showed activity. It showed signs of age—

It showed him he was a part of the living.

Gon’s grandmother was the only one in sight; she greeted him warmly as he came slowly down the stairs. He murmured a quick good morning to her, still yawning.

“Gon and Mito went to the market this morning, so they’re out.” In her hands was a small woven project, and when she saw Killua’s eyes on it she elaborated. “This is for Gon. I’m knitting him a scarf.”

“It looks like it’ll be very warm.”

“Yes… that’s the goal.” She turned back to her work, and the boy took a seat across from her. He didn’t know exactly what to do in this moment, but he wanted the company of another person, so he looked around the room.

Killua watched the old woman for a while, looping the yarn here and pulling tight there, a rhythmic motion that in some way calmed him to watch.

“You, my boy…” She started, not glancing up, “You look like you’ve been through much for your lifetime.”

“Yeah… I guess you could say that.”

The only sound in the house was the laundry humming lightly upstairs, and the clink of the knitting needles. Killua closed his eyes.

“I must say, I haven’t seen any person with your hair color.”

“Y-Yeah. Not typical around here, I guess.”

“Especially when it’s natural. Wouldn’t you have to be old like me to have such hair?” Her eyes were crinkled in a smile, but her expression was peculiar. Killua couldn’t tell if it was because he’s never interacted with many people… or if the Granny sitting in front of him knew more than she was letting on.

“Well,” the boy said, pulling a strand from his head to glance at, “genetics is a funky thing.”

She nodded. “Indeed, it is.”

{--x--}

After that odd conversation, they talked about many things. About the weather (“It sure was cold last night… I’m sure you know about that, however.”), the recent events in the country (“I can’t believe our President has let those narrow-minded dimwits deny others their rights! Absolutely horrid.”) and anything else (“My boy, have you ever had authentic homemade tea?”). The slightly invasive and awkward air Killua had received from the woman earlier was gone. He quickly felt at ease.

The two missing persons arrived just as Killua took the first sip of a brew the old woman had concocted for him; walking in the door with a wave from Mito and a smile from Gon and four arms full of shopping bags. Mito had no problem sending the two boys off to put the goods away, even if the guest had no idea where anything went in the house.

They all sat down for lunch, and afterwards Aunt Mito had Killua stay put as she went over his cuts with a healing salve.

“Stop squirming! This will help stop infection. There are many harmful plants in the forest, though I must say, you’re already healing very well.”

His race has accelerated healing, and he curses his lack of foresight. He keeps his mouth shut and tries not to look nervous as Gon scrutinizes the cuts and agrees with his Aunt.

The dark-haired boy is sent off to do his daily chores; Mito tells Killua he doesn’t have to do anything, but he feels odd, staying as a guest for the second time and vegetating. He ends up trailing behind his friend, helping however he can; pinning up laundry, washing the floors, airing out the house.

He feels Gon’s gaze rest on him at several different periods of the day; and at those points he avoids looking up. His friend makes small talk, but there’s an undertone to his voice. Almost like he’s unsure. Of what, though, the white-haired boy only could guess.

Killua wanders off once to scan the area thoroughly, and comes back empty again. Either his father’s decided Killua wouldn’t actually leave and is waiting for him to return… or the envoy sent to reclaim him is waiting, masking their presence. The thought that any of those were taking place made him bristle.

Chores were finished quickly. Gon pulls Killua outside, whispers a quick, “Follow me,” and doesn’t look back to make sure the white-haired boy is behind him.

With a strong feeling of déjà vu, Killua doesn't think twice before pursuing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind comments and eager patience !


	12. Chapter 12

This time, Killua doesn’t ask Gon where they’re headed. He focuses on putting one foot in front of the other, anxiety buzzing around in the back of his mind. To Gon, he sure must’ve looked like something from a horror movie last night; hair disheveled, cuts all over, and bleeding.

He wasn’t sure what to make of the situation, but he did know that his friend was going to ask him something. Something he wasn’t all that ready to tell. About what, though, he couldn’t decide.

Gon’s back suddenly disappeared in the brush and bracken, leaving Killua behind, confused. He inspected the spot, but before he could call to Gon an arm reached through the leaves, seized the front of his shirt, and pulled him forward. The leaves brushed his face, and then he was on the other side.

He was inside a hidden cave; and he immediately stopped and gazed around, mouth formed in a small, ‘o.’ The walls were covered in moss and glittering with what seemed to be glowing crystals; they illuminated the cavern and created a soft, eerie blue light that danced around the damp rocks. Again, way better than any video game he’d ever played. He wanted to explore it.

“This way,” his friend said, walking quickly away and into the dark. “You have to be careful and keep close to me. Step where I step.”

The visibility grew steadily worse as they went on, and he could tell Gon was struggling to put his foot in the right place. Sounds of a bubbling river grew louder as they went on, and pretty soon Killua saw the water run swiftly right next to their path. The rocks at their feet were slippery, and one misstep could send them both into the river, or give one of them a twisted ankle.

The darkness didn’t bother Killua; he could see fine in it. But he was worried about Gon. At one point, his friend started to slip, and Killua caught him with a fist of his shirt. He stuck his claws in the wall with the other hand, gritting his teeth and teetering as he willed the rock to not give way.

“Ah, shit—“

Of course, the universe hated him; the wetness caused the soil to crumble in his palm, sending them both into the underground river.

His body grew very cold very fast, and the world tumbled around before him in a combination of darkness, panic, and water. Bursting from the surface, he called out for Gon; but he had no time to hear an answer or finish his cry before water filled his mouth. He tried to find purchase with his feet in the bottom of the river, but it was either too deep or too smooth. Probably both.

The water wouldn’t kill him; but you know, he was an immortal…. Gon, however—

He drew his legs inward and let his body float a short while, then swam quickly with the flow. With all the water in his vision and the dark hair of his friend, it was almost impossible to discern the shapes that moved around in the cave. He wasn’t sure how long his body was thrown around by the swift water; he just knew that he couldn’t find his friend, and each moment he wasted was another moment too long.

Another roar, louder than the river that filled his ears and echoed off the cavern, quickly became deafening. The current around him grew in speed, and suddenly he was flung off what he was sure was a cliff and he and the water fell into a pool below.

He fell with such force that it immediately forced what little air he had left in his lungs out; and his mind went completely blank. Killua popped slowly up to air, expelling water from his lungs with a fit of coughing before idly floating and gasping.

Jeez. You only see that type of stuff in movies.

He immediately snapped his head around, looking for Gon and spotted him, floating in the water a little ways away, and looking… very much like a drowned leaf. Cursing, Killua willed his aching muscles to scoop the other up, and propel them both towards land. Which was, in this case, a slab of rock on the opposite end of the very big pool that they landed in.

The water didn’t lead up to a nice, gradual bank; but instead was a sheer drop off. The white-haired boy huffed as he pushed Gon up onto the rock, dragging himself tiredly next to him. Grunting with effort, he rolled over and checked the other’s pulse, which was slow, but strong. He was probably just unconscious… but he still wasn’t breathing. Killua turned him on his side, and was relieved to see water drain from his nose and mouth, and even happier for Gon to begin to cough it up and breathe.

Gon’s eyes flicked open, and he let out a groan. His gaze locked with Killua’s, and they shared a brief, awkward smile.

“I… totally wasn’t expecting that to happen,” he rasped, coughing some more. Killua only snorted.

“Me either.”

Despite the gravity of what could have happened, they laughed loudly. Gon got to his hands and knees, coughing all the while.

“H-Hey… take it easy. You almost drowned,” Killua stammered softly, watching the other try to stand.

“Yeah, yeah… happens all the time.” The dark-haired boy rose on his feet and teetered around, causing the other to sigh and get up to steady him with hand on his shoulder. “This way…” Gon murmured, glancing at Killua and then quickly away, starting on another path.

“No more slippery rocks with rivers, right?”

“No more of that.”

“… Promise?”

“Just follow me.”

The two of them headed steadily onward, through a cave with a nice, flat bed of rock. Moss on the walls started to grow more sparse, and in its place the strange crystals grew more and more frequent. They passed through a brief moment of complete darkness (and Killua gripped Gon’s shoulder a bit tighter) and emerged in a room filled and glistening with crystals.

“How… how’d you find this?” Killua was awestruck, wandering forward with Gon in tow towards a huge crystal that stuck up in the middle of the room. The area was completely circular, and on a closer look, a white paint was inscribed into the rock underfoot, in a completely radial design around the center crystal. It was like its own source of light; illuminating the cave.

“Well… y’know… I kinda just happened upon it.”

“Amazing…” The white-haired boy made sure his friend was steady on his feet, then made his way around the crystal. The pattern in the ground below struck a chord in him, as if… as if he had seen it before.

“Killua.”

“Mmm?”

“I didn’t bring you out here just to show you this,” the dark-haired boy said, with an air of quietude. Killua paused, peering through his bangs to where Gon stood. He looked determined. “You’re not wearing a hat anymore.”

“That’s… because I—uh—“

“You also didn’t come to where I live for no reason. It wasn’t planned, was it?”

“It’s—“ Damn it. What the hell could he say? “My father—“

“Killua.” Fuck. He hated it when people said his name like that. As if it was the last time they’d ever say it… as if he was the only other thing that existed in the world. “I want you to tell me… about yourself. You know a lot about me, but I know almost nothing about you.”

“Well… I…” he sighed, hesitating. Goddamn it all. He had already disengaged himself from his family, clearly stated that he wasn’t a part of their order of operation anymore, and likewise, not bound by their rules… but… old habits die hard. The white-haired boy wiped his palms on his pants, and straightened. He could hear his voice shake. “Fine… I’ll... I’ll tell you everything. About me, about my hair, and… about my family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all in time; everything will be revealed in time.
> 
> ahh i'm actually having a lot of fun writing this! it's... pretty spur of the moment though. i almost never know what next im going to write before i actually open my word document... i keep this story in full on my computer, and so far... the word document is 46 pages long. it's.. the largest investment i've ever made...
> 
> and thank you all for investing with me in this project of mine, it's really something i've learned to be proud of, even more so for the positive feed back i get!


	13. Chapter 13

Killua and Gon sat across from each other, the crystals around them almost pulsing to some unheard rhythm. The silence stretched onward, piercing the white-haired boy with daggers each passing second. He had just explained to his friend everything about himself… that he knew. 

“S-so… let me get this straight. Basically… you and your family are immortal. And, on top of that, a really really long time ago you guys travelled to this planet from the stars, in order to…  research us humans?”

“W-well… more like watch over. Not really research?” Sheesh, it sounded really harsh when Gon put it that way.

“So… how old are you?”

“Old enough to know better,” he growled.

“Aww… come on! I already know everything else, what’s it—“

“Which is exactly why I won’t tell. It’s already a lot.” He looked away, wiping his palms again on his clothes. Gon sighed, and in one swift movement, stood.

“Alright then,” he breathed, stretching. He offered a hand. “Let’s go.”

Killua took the hand, smiling; but he could feel a weary ache in him. “Gon… My father—“

“I know. But you’re still staying with me.”

“But your family—you all could be in danger too, if they so much as decide—“

“My Aunt and Grandma would not cast you away in fear, Killua,” he said, gripping the other’s hand in both of his. “From what it sounds like, you could use a break from them anyway!”

Gon led Killua from the cave, taking a much easier and less dangerous route, and they made their way back to the house. The white-haired boy noticed his hand was warm where Gon still held it.

The two boys sat Gon’s aunt and grandmother down at the table, and Killua relayed his story to them; fidgeting slightly and carefully reading their facial expressions. He was prepared for the worst.

“I... I’m really sorry for imposing on you like this; I hope to talk to my father again soon when the initial anger blows over. It’s probably dangerous for me to st—“

“Killua; if you are in such need of a place to stay, my doors are always open.” Aunt Mito gave him a warm smile, and Gon’s Grandmother just nodded in agreement. The older woman shot the immortal boy a knowing look. “If anything happens, we can handle it.”

He bowed deeply to the both of them in appreciation; partly to hide his stinging tears and absorb the kindness they showed him. Even after they knew what he was, even after they heard how dangerous his family is… they still accepted him and wanted him to stay. And that meant more to Killua than he could ever imagine.

{--+--}

The next few days Killua kept a low profile; he knew his father was watching, waiting. He knew that eventually, they would come for him.

But those days turned to weeks, and the immortal found himself gnawing on his nails, staying up at night (more than usual, for someone like him), and carefully maneuvering around every turn.

He knew Gon was worried about him; but his friend also knew contact between Killua and his family was a touchy subject.

But in the mean time, Killua genuinely enjoyed himself. He loved Gon and his family, loved the area they lived in, and loved to feel the wind blow his hair from atop the trees. The trees surround Gon’s house shot up into the clouds; almost as if they were reaching to the stars where Killua’s ancestors were born. It made him feel closer to what he was; less earthly, and more alien. He and Gon went on adventures into caves, up to lakes and waterfalls and rivers, climbed rocks and dove into the sea.

It felt like the blood that ran through him gained a new element in it; something that caused its chemicals to change from a sluggish, tepid grime to a clean, smooth oil. His chest felt lighter, he no longer felt the need to hold his breath. Even with the threat of his father looming over him.

One night, Killua woke to a piercing presence entering his senses; he took no time in running to meet it, sneaking quietly out of Gon’s house. Whoever it was, was strong enough to mask the true nature of their intent, as well as their identity. He gritted his teeth and made his way to the cliff that overlooked the sea; his favorite spot. Someone was standing there.

“Killu.”

His brother looked as he always had, with a blank, indifferent expression, and eyes that light couldn’t reach.

“Illumi.” Whatever Illumi was here for, it wasn’t good. “What are you doing here?”

“What? I can’t see my favorite little brother?” He started towards Killua. For every step Illumi took forward, Killua took backward.

“What are you here for?”

“All I’m here to do is see how my dearest little brother is doing.”

“Well, you’ve seen enough to answer your question.”

“Why, Killu, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to get rid of me.”

“Illumi. What do you want?”

“Your friend. Gan, is it?” Illumi tipped his head to one side, like a bird.

“ _Gon._ What do you want with him?”

“Ah, yes. The human. The one you so adore.” Illumi turned and moved back to the edge of the cliff, his hair swishing around him like a dark cape. He faced Killua once more. “Have you ever wondered why you of all the children of the family have white hair, Killua?”

“You didn’t come here to ask me meaningless questions.”

“But, the thing is, it’s imperative for you to know. The reason.”

“I know the reason already! I don’t need to hear it from you!” His brother always knew how to get under his skin.

“No, Killu. You don’t.”

“Fine, then. Tell me.”

“If father really did think you to be a useless runaway child, he would kill you. But he lets u roam free.”

“What does that have to do with my hair?”

“Me, Milluki, and Kalluto all have dark hair. Hair as dark as the night that encompasses this planet. Hair that is as dark as space. While you, Killu, have hair that shines like the stars.”

Killua just stood there, glaring. “Alluka is a part of—“

“You, Killu, hold the very potential in you to become the next head of family. The blood of our ancestors runs particularly thick in your—“

“I will not become the next head! I won’t. Father can chase me to the ends of this Earth, but I—“

“So you will stay here forever, Killu? With the humans? You do know what happens to humans, yes?”

Illumi fixed the white-haired boy with a deep stare, pouring onto Killua the crushing presence of his  that he couldn’t feel before. It seemed to loom over him, engulf him, choke him.

“Humans die, Killu.”

{--+--}

Illumi’s words still echoed through the white-haired boy’s hair as the sun rose above the horizon. Killua was still in the same spot as last night, unable to move. Or maybe, he didn’t want to move.

“I’ll let you in on a secret, Killu; father doesn’t intend to leave you for long. 60, 70, even 100 years will pass in a blink of an eye. Father knows you will come back to us. The dust of the stars in your veins bids you to seek us again,” Illumi had said.

The morning hung heavy on Killua’s mind. How many mornings has he seen in his lifetime? How many sunrises does he have yet to see?

He isn’t stupid. He knows Gon is human. He knows he isn’t. He knows what will happen.

Time, he muses, is an evil to us all. No matter the race, no matter the species, no matter the era. Time will always move forward…

Wind ruffled his hair as he closed his eyes; and when he opened them, he was staring at his own hands. Once, he had taken one of Gon’s and compared it to his own; and aside from skin color, cuts, and minor differences of genetics, they were the same. Bone structure, function; if he was such a different race, then why did they look so similar?

He sighed. He just didn’t know. If he could, he’d release the remnants of the stars from his blood. Then, there wouldn’t be a problem.

“Killua?”

The white-haired boy jumped as Gon’s voice sounded out from behind him, and he quickly turned to see his friend walking towards him, still rubbing sleep from his eyes.

“Gon… er, good morning.”

“Why’re you out here so early?”

“Dunno, just felt like taking a run, watching the sunrise.” He shrugged.

The dark-haired boy yawned, sitting himself down next to Killua and leaning slightly on him. And just like that, they watched as the sun rose into the sky, turning from dark red, to pink, to orange, and finally to blue. And at some point through it, the two of them fell asleep, falling backwards onto the rock.

It was the best sleep Killua had in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i said stuff like, 'i'll finish this soon!' and 'regular updates guys!' but , yet again, i have failed in my promises... I think this will be the last chapter for a while, as i've pretty much revealed the main plot point i've hinted at for the last year or so.
> 
> I may update with another chapter, but for the most part, i can't keep up with it. Life keeps getting in the way, and i hate to have you all wait! So, i think its better to leave this fic open ended, and maybe come back to it later down the road... but even as i say that, the likelihood of that happening is low, at best.
> 
> This might seem kinda hasty and rushed but my mind is just not working with me. Hopefully you all still enjoyed it!
> 
> Thank you all for staying with me during this fic and thank you for all the positive feedback, it means a lot to me, more than i could ever say!


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